Humiliated couple gifts $100 after 7-year-old asks for gifts at no-gift party, parents ponder whether they should return the money: 'Everyone gasped'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 27, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

You'll probably never go to more birthday parties than you will when you're in grade school. There's a time in a person's single-digit lift when everyone invites everyone's classmates to every birthday party, and suddenly you've celebrated 12 different 8-year-olds in the last 2 months. It's a critical mass of birthdays. Kids usually love it, but it can be exhausting for parents. They have to haul their kids from place to place, make forced small talk with the other parents, and manage their kid's inevitable sugar rush, not to mention the money spent on presents. Even if you're buying something small for each child, it can really add up over time. 

That's why some parents benevolently push for no-gift parties, as a mercy to everyone. But even in those cases, things can still get awkward. Like in this instance from Reddit where a no-gift party turned into some tough moments for the parents. Read on for details. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10366568448
    via micheile henderson
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    AITA for not returning a $100 bill gift given to my daughter?
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    Seven-year-old's birthday party; invite said "no gifts" but a few people brought wrapped presents. When the last parents (fake names Joe & Sue) arrived my daughter asked if they brought a gift; Sue saw the other gifts and looked clearly
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    embarrassed for not having brought one, and said she thought the invite said "no gifts." We were standing in front of the other parents who had just given their gifts so I didn't make a big deal about it, and I said something like "No, no, you're right we didn't ask for anything;
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    she's spoiled enough as is haha...." Unbeknownst to me, Sue quickly made a card and added it to gift pile. After cake Joe and Sue's son ran up in front of everyone and asked my daughter to open the card (we had not planned on opening gifts at the
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    party); my daughter pulled out a $100 bill and everyone gasped, basically, and of course my daughter was elated (followed by my daughter opening the other very small, inexpensive presents). Joe seemed upset and withdrawn the rest of the party, and Sue
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    acted like this was a completely normal gift. My partner had none of this context, and so later when I told my partner how this all transpired they were upset we may have done the wrong thing by not returning the gift, because Joe and Sue clearly felt guilted into it. AITA?
    via u/theydivideconquer
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    gordonf23 2 hr. ago • YTA. This is mostly a learning opportunity for your daughter. She created the awkward moment by asking if they brought a gift. But she's only 7, so it was a natural question. Take
    via u/gordonf23
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    the opportunity to teach your daughter why that question is and explain why she needs to get permission in the future before opening gifts in front of everyone. Tell her she didn't do anything
    via u/gordonf23
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    wrong, but that gift- giving and gift- receiving can be complicated in the adult world. You put "no gifts" on the invitation. But of course some people brought gifts anyway,
    via u/gordonf23
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    and it would be simply tell them, "Nope, we're not to accepting gifts." You should have put all the gifts in a different room immediately as they were received so that they weren't
    via u/gordonf23
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    creating awkward moments as other parents arrived without gifts. And you absolutely should not have allowed your daughter to open gifts in front of everyone. When Joe and Sue's son asked her to open
    via u/gordonf23
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    the card, you should have cut that off immediately and said, "Not right now. We'll open gifts later after everyone leaves."
    via u/gordonf23
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    You should return the $100. There are 2 ways to do that, depending on your parenting style and goals. 1) Without letting your daughter know and letting her keep the original $100 bill, give a different
    via u/gordonf23
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    $100 back to Sue and Joe, thank them for such a generous gift, but that you asked for no gifts and apologize for the awkward moment when they arrived when your daughter asked if they brought a gift and
    via u/gordonf23
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    creating a sense of obligation. Tell them you're letting your daughter keep the $100 bill since she was so excited about it. 2) Explain to your daughter that it was an extremely nice gift, but that it was an inappropriately large
    via u/gordonf23
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    amount, and that nobody was supposed to bring gifts anyway, so it needs to go back to Joe and Sue.
    via u/gordonf23
  • 18
    Evening Cicada_6189. 2 hr. ago YTA for not correcting your daughter when she asked about the gift putting them on the spot.
    via u/Evening_Cicada_6189
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    Open-Incident-3601. 1 hr. ago YTA. And I have to be honest, you're the type of parents that I avoid. You said no gifts, you accepted gifts, your child was entitled enough to ask people where the gift was, you saw that one of the couple was visibly dismayed by the $100.
    via u/Open-Incident-3601
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    In your shoes, I would have seen a $100 bill that Sue produced on the spot and assumed that money was meant for something else in their budget and was a guilt offering because they followed your rules and were then embarrassed by your child in front of everyone at that party.
    via u/Open-Incident-3601
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    I absolutely would have given them back the money and apologized for my child's lack of manners.
    via u/Open-Incident-3601
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    • sphrintze 24 min. ago I wouldn't have let the family leave without quietly getting that $100 back to Sue, but still better to get it returned after the fact than not at all. Under no circumstances should the daughter keep the money.
    via u/sphrintze
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    Public-Ad-9827 2 hr. ago • Did your daughter know that the invite said "no gifts"? If so, you need to sit. down with your daughter and explain how and entitled her request was and how it insulted the guests when you specifically told the guests not to bring gifts. And yes, you should return the $100.
    via u/Public-Ad-9827

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aita gifts presents birthdays present birthday cards saving money birthday birthday party gift parenting gifting take my money shame reddit thread Reddit money Parenting Fail parents
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